Would you enjoy living in a sick, soulless city devoid of any kindness or compassion? How about being diagnosed with cancer in such a city? This is my story. [Originally posted on Feb 25].
I know what you mean, Jenn. I could hardly believe it myself. The whole experience seems unreal, and yet every word I wrote is true. Thanks for your response and compassion.
I am so sorry you went through this. Canada, in general, seems to have a very interesting medical "system." It's only private here in the U.S. for those who can afford it now and for government workers. They get the best care. Part of the "system." We have two grown children who work for the government and many friends. It's 10x better for them. When we got Obama Care in the U.S. we lost our private healthcare and it was affordable at $1,000/month (not really, but you catch my drift). We are low middle-class. Work hard for everything. John owns his own business so we are a liability and we have to pay, pay, pay, pay, despite 40 years in business. He is 62 still working 60 hours a week physically. Our monthly is $1,600 and we can barely scrape it up. I tried to see a doctor 3 weeks ago and was told soonest they had was 3 months away. So the e.r. became suddenly real last Friday and yes, I now remember my John asking me if I had my credit card as my heart rate was 49, before I threw up again. It was surreal. What we are going through in modern day countries is what we vote for. We think it will be better "for everyone," but it's just a worse "system." I don't think there's anything good on any side anymore. Although I can say that National Health in England saved a few of my relatives and I had good care "in and out" in hospital over the weekend.
As for Toronto, my dad never cared for it. He loved Calgary! One of my favorite cities is Montreal. I love it there, the food, street art, Mt. Royal Park. Cities do have certain vibes. Economies shift, cities shift. Some cities maintain their priorities, because there is a certain set of people that keep it that way. It's usually the artists! I have a good friend in Toronto and a few friends here on Substack from Toronto who are lovely. Cities have controllers and they mostly are the ones making or breaking cities.
I'm very sorry for all you have had to endure, very grateful you are here, and glad you wrote it. I find writing is the only way through these days. oxox
While Greed and Selfishness have always been a part of the human condition, I have noticed in my lifetime that it has become more pronounced. There are certain forces at play that desire to destroy our spirit. Some places, cities, are stronger in that area. I feel Toronto is such a place. There are not enough people here resisting such inclinations. They go along with it, seeing it, greed and selfishness as normal and acceptable. This is why there is a strong unhealthy vibe here. It is a vibe of defeatism and death. Not life. I hope you get my drift, Deborah. Thanks for reading and understanding.
Yeah, I get that. Hopefully you’ll be gone before long, after the kids graduate. That’s why Boise, ID really stood out to me., I had to write about it. It had a real tangible “thriving” vibe. We always have to pray these places stay this way - but we know history! Hopefully your beloved Montreal won’t change for the worse! I believe that certain cities attract like-mindedness, but a lot of that has to be inside of the leadership too. ox
Thank you for sharing Perry. The behaviour of that doctor demanding payment via credit card is truly disgusting. I like to think that the universe in some way demands its own payment and balances the scales and that doctor will have some payment of their own in kind for that behaviour.
The memoir continues ... thank you. The bit about 'suffering & character-building' is something I've thought a lot about. There's nothing good in suffering per se, but it can be a doorway to character-building if we are able to respond in a certain way; which is not easy. From observation, suffering generally grinds people down, maybe makes them violent, or despairing.
I have thought about it too, Josh; and I have read C.S. Lewis’ thoughts on it many years ago. Here is one of my noteworthy conclusions. Apart from accidents, diseases and illnesses, all suffering is inflicted by humans, either directly or indirectly.
By sins of commission and by sins of omission. This includes the suffering us humans inflict on all other species on Earth.
Back to your point. True, it can be the former, but in 99.9 percent of cases, suffering results in the latter—notably if it is severe, chronic and unforgiving, and, here is that point again, is the result of humans. This is always a kick in the teeth.
I think a world without suffering would be a better one all around.
I wrote a poem a few years back on the amount of suffering in the world -- and the notion that if there's a God, and if we need redemption, and if suffering is necessary for 'spiritual/psychological growth' then it seems to not be a particualrly effective choice of strategy. There must be a better way to heal out troubled minds and bodies.
C.C Lewis ... you mean "The Problem of Pain"? Maybe I should re-read it after all these years. Perhaps I'll understand it better now. :)
Perry, I am very happy you can write this as part of your memoir because I’m sure in doing so you receive much healing. Just writing it out can be cathartic. I remember now during my stay in Toronto hell I was at a pretty nice hotel down by the water. Not far from Young Street. And I remember for being very nice hotels, it had an institutional feeling about it.Lol @ Pizza Pizza! I had a slice or two of that and….😖
I pray for your return to Montreal if you haven’t already done so. Stay happy and beautiful!
Thank you, Charlotte. I am sure the hotel was comfortable, right by Lake Ontario. Toronto is after all about business.
As for moving back, I am waiting two years till my youngest finishes high school. I do not think it would be right to uproot him from his routine, his friends, etc. So, till June 2026.
Yes, it was a very comfortable hotel but very sterile compared to other really nice hotels I’ve stayed in the past. It was a Sheraton or something like that. I was there almost a month. I remember when I was paid, Canada accountants for the film took out Canadian taxes. I was thinking, wait a minute that’s a double taxation. So I made a pretty big fuss about it in a one. They are tried to tax my work when I should’ve only been taxed in the United States. I can certainly understand why you would stay until 2026 for your kids. I bet you have that marked on your calendar! The day you leave Hellsville! Lol!
On one of my tours I stopped in Montreal to perform. I was only there maybe a week. But it was beautiful and I love the streets in the vibrancy. I wanted to stay longer. 2026 will be here faster than you know. 😍😍😍
Thank you, Perry. This story is barely believable! That was not a moving in Toronto but a journey to hell! I am very impressed by the fact that you found the courage to stand up against the surgeon's greed and paid only what you had to. Well done! Bravo, mon ami ! But, I'm curious, why did you move from Montreal in the first place and why do you have to wait for so long to go back there?
Merci beaucoup for your understanding, Geraldine. Yes, hell is an appropriate word. I am waiting two years till my youngest finishes high school. I do not think it would be right (pas juste) to uproot him from his routine, his friends, etc. So, till June 2026.
Ah, why did I make a decision to leave Montreal. The short answer is my wife is not from Montreal and found learning French difficult and understanding the culture. Fair enough; I was born and raised in Montreal.
So, I did it to make my wife happy, but I did not think it through. C'était une erreur stupide de quitter Montréal. J'ai pris la décision de partir pour des raisons inappropriées.
You did it out of love, somehow, and you weren't punished for that. The Universe only made you understand, and your body along with it, very wildly that it wasn't your path. I am pretty sure, though, that it wasn't their first attempt...
This is such a compelling memoir, Perry. I’m grateful to be among your readers and wish you much healing. The solace found is nature and the love and comfort in your companionship with Arya is transformative and I hope it will lead to your ticket out of Toronto in the future. The Alan Parsons Project video is wonderful. My favorite of their songs is “Old and Wise”.
Thank you Heidi Your words are appreciated and meaningful. I do need a lot of healing, but it will not happen here. This much I know. I have tried, but the memory associations are deep and remain painful.
Wow; I have forgotten about “Old and Wise.” What a beautiful song from the talented Alan Parsons.
Thank you, Perry. It’s understandable how you feel about where you live. I moved back to the small city where I grew up, never thinking that would happen, but the big city pressures, the pandemic, the hollowing out, brought me back and I’ve been ok with it, especially finding solace in the great outdoors and natural places which are still prevalent here. There are intense pockets of nostalgia, but I see that as a kind of therapy in the memories.
It’s a beautiful reminder of the many ways we find comfort in nature and in the people and places we love. Thank you so much for sharing your story with such clarity and honesty.
Yes, this is true in so many ways. Nature has been my solace. Just this morning I looked at my avian and squirrel friends with such thankfullness for their very presence.
My wife recently fainted in my arms during our morning hug. I drove her to Baptist Memorial Hospital here in Collierville, Tennessee. She was admitted after two hours of ER meetings and exams. Fantastic team at ER. They tested her extensively. She was released the nex tday at noon with a diagnosis of restricted cored artery. They increased her statin from 10 to 40 mg. The total bill was $19K. Our portion was $269.00. Nobody asked to be paid in advance.
I am glad that everything turned out well for your wife. I have had experience with the U.S. healthcare system when we lived in New Hampshire. Once I had to go to the ER at Concord Hospital for a foot sprain. The hill came in the mail; I think it was something like $3000 (not the best insurance). I called up billing and asked if we could have a payment plan. After a few minutes, she came back on the line and said. "Don't worry about it; it's all paid up." Many good people in N.H. I have many such stories. Love America.
Interesting and maddening story, Perry. Sounds like you had a real jerk of a surgeon. They exist everywhere; not just Toronto.
I would still take our "universal" healthcare over the confusing, inefficient, unjust, profit-driven US system (thinking you had a 3K bill only to learn you did not is stressful enough imho).
But I say this with full knowledge of all the flaws, blind spots, vested interests, funding issues and misdirections in our system. In fact, coincidentally, exactly one year ago today, I published this piece about an ongoing personal health issue and my frustration navigating it here in OHIP land:
Wow Perry. Not a great welcome. I am so thankful the surgery went well and that I get to read your writing today. Sounds like an awful ordeal anyway you slice it. Blessing that things are well. 🙏❤️
Oh my goodness, I can hardly believe what I’ve just read! That’s awful! What a horrible experience; I am thankful you are here to tell your story.
I know what you mean, Jenn. I could hardly believe it myself. The whole experience seems unreal, and yet every word I wrote is true. Thanks for your response and compassion.
That’s so insane. I’m glad you’re healed from the cancer.
Dear Perry,
I am so sorry you went through this. Canada, in general, seems to have a very interesting medical "system." It's only private here in the U.S. for those who can afford it now and for government workers. They get the best care. Part of the "system." We have two grown children who work for the government and many friends. It's 10x better for them. When we got Obama Care in the U.S. we lost our private healthcare and it was affordable at $1,000/month (not really, but you catch my drift). We are low middle-class. Work hard for everything. John owns his own business so we are a liability and we have to pay, pay, pay, pay, despite 40 years in business. He is 62 still working 60 hours a week physically. Our monthly is $1,600 and we can barely scrape it up. I tried to see a doctor 3 weeks ago and was told soonest they had was 3 months away. So the e.r. became suddenly real last Friday and yes, I now remember my John asking me if I had my credit card as my heart rate was 49, before I threw up again. It was surreal. What we are going through in modern day countries is what we vote for. We think it will be better "for everyone," but it's just a worse "system." I don't think there's anything good on any side anymore. Although I can say that National Health in England saved a few of my relatives and I had good care "in and out" in hospital over the weekend.
As for Toronto, my dad never cared for it. He loved Calgary! One of my favorite cities is Montreal. I love it there, the food, street art, Mt. Royal Park. Cities do have certain vibes. Economies shift, cities shift. Some cities maintain their priorities, because there is a certain set of people that keep it that way. It's usually the artists! I have a good friend in Toronto and a few friends here on Substack from Toronto who are lovely. Cities have controllers and they mostly are the ones making or breaking cities.
I'm very sorry for all you have had to endure, very grateful you are here, and glad you wrote it. I find writing is the only way through these days. oxox
While Greed and Selfishness have always been a part of the human condition, I have noticed in my lifetime that it has become more pronounced. There are certain forces at play that desire to destroy our spirit. Some places, cities, are stronger in that area. I feel Toronto is such a place. There are not enough people here resisting such inclinations. They go along with it, seeing it, greed and selfishness as normal and acceptable. This is why there is a strong unhealthy vibe here. It is a vibe of defeatism and death. Not life. I hope you get my drift, Deborah. Thanks for reading and understanding.
Yeah, I get that. Hopefully you’ll be gone before long, after the kids graduate. That’s why Boise, ID really stood out to me., I had to write about it. It had a real tangible “thriving” vibe. We always have to pray these places stay this way - but we know history! Hopefully your beloved Montreal won’t change for the worse! I believe that certain cities attract like-mindedness, but a lot of that has to be inside of the leadership too. ox
Thank you for sharing Perry. The behaviour of that doctor demanding payment via credit card is truly disgusting. I like to think that the universe in some way demands its own payment and balances the scales and that doctor will have some payment of their own in kind for that behaviour.
Great comment, Neil. That would be justice, and it might just happen. 🕊🦜
The memoir continues ... thank you. The bit about 'suffering & character-building' is something I've thought a lot about. There's nothing good in suffering per se, but it can be a doorway to character-building if we are able to respond in a certain way; which is not easy. From observation, suffering generally grinds people down, maybe makes them violent, or despairing.
I have thought about it too, Josh; and I have read C.S. Lewis’ thoughts on it many years ago. Here is one of my noteworthy conclusions. Apart from accidents, diseases and illnesses, all suffering is inflicted by humans, either directly or indirectly.
By sins of commission and by sins of omission. This includes the suffering us humans inflict on all other species on Earth.
Back to your point. True, it can be the former, but in 99.9 percent of cases, suffering results in the latter—notably if it is severe, chronic and unforgiving, and, here is that point again, is the result of humans. This is always a kick in the teeth.
I think a world without suffering would be a better one all around.
I wrote a poem a few years back on the amount of suffering in the world -- and the notion that if there's a God, and if we need redemption, and if suffering is necessary for 'spiritual/psychological growth' then it seems to not be a particualrly effective choice of strategy. There must be a better way to heal out troubled minds and bodies.
C.C Lewis ... you mean "The Problem of Pain"? Maybe I should re-read it after all these years. Perhaps I'll understand it better now. :)
Yes, The Problem of Pain. I would think that the ultimate way to heal us is love, along with kindness, understanding and generosity of spirit.
Perry, I am very happy you can write this as part of your memoir because I’m sure in doing so you receive much healing. Just writing it out can be cathartic. I remember now during my stay in Toronto hell I was at a pretty nice hotel down by the water. Not far from Young Street. And I remember for being very nice hotels, it had an institutional feeling about it.Lol @ Pizza Pizza! I had a slice or two of that and….😖
I pray for your return to Montreal if you haven’t already done so. Stay happy and beautiful!
Thank you, Charlotte. I am sure the hotel was comfortable, right by Lake Ontario. Toronto is after all about business.
As for moving back, I am waiting two years till my youngest finishes high school. I do not think it would be right to uproot him from his routine, his friends, etc. So, till June 2026.
Yes, it was a very comfortable hotel but very sterile compared to other really nice hotels I’ve stayed in the past. It was a Sheraton or something like that. I was there almost a month. I remember when I was paid, Canada accountants for the film took out Canadian taxes. I was thinking, wait a minute that’s a double taxation. So I made a pretty big fuss about it in a one. They are tried to tax my work when I should’ve only been taxed in the United States. I can certainly understand why you would stay until 2026 for your kids. I bet you have that marked on your calendar! The day you leave Hellsville! Lol!
Yep; a fantasy reel plays in my head.🕊🦜
On one of my tours I stopped in Montreal to perform. I was only there maybe a week. But it was beautiful and I love the streets in the vibrancy. I wanted to stay longer. 2026 will be here faster than you know. 😍😍😍
Oh wow; do you remember where you performed? Just curious.
Palais de Congress I believe. It was a big convention! And I stayed at a lovely hotel with European charm. 😘
Thank you, Perry. This story is barely believable! That was not a moving in Toronto but a journey to hell! I am very impressed by the fact that you found the courage to stand up against the surgeon's greed and paid only what you had to. Well done! Bravo, mon ami ! But, I'm curious, why did you move from Montreal in the first place and why do you have to wait for so long to go back there?
Merci beaucoup for your understanding, Geraldine. Yes, hell is an appropriate word. I am waiting two years till my youngest finishes high school. I do not think it would be right (pas juste) to uproot him from his routine, his friends, etc. So, till June 2026.
Ah, why did I make a decision to leave Montreal. The short answer is my wife is not from Montreal and found learning French difficult and understanding the culture. Fair enough; I was born and raised in Montreal.
So, I did it to make my wife happy, but I did not think it through. C'était une erreur stupide de quitter Montréal. J'ai pris la décision de partir pour des raisons inappropriées.
Alors, such are the conseqiences.
You did it out of love, somehow, and you weren't punished for that. The Universe only made you understand, and your body along with it, very wildly that it wasn't your path. I am pretty sure, though, that it wasn't their first attempt...
That is certain that this place here is not the right path. And I do understand. Clairement.
This is such a compelling memoir, Perry. I’m grateful to be among your readers and wish you much healing. The solace found is nature and the love and comfort in your companionship with Arya is transformative and I hope it will lead to your ticket out of Toronto in the future. The Alan Parsons Project video is wonderful. My favorite of their songs is “Old and Wise”.
Thank you Heidi Your words are appreciated and meaningful. I do need a lot of healing, but it will not happen here. This much I know. I have tried, but the memory associations are deep and remain painful.
Wow; I have forgotten about “Old and Wise.” What a beautiful song from the talented Alan Parsons.
Thank you, Perry. It’s understandable how you feel about where you live. I moved back to the small city where I grew up, never thinking that would happen, but the big city pressures, the pandemic, the hollowing out, brought me back and I’ve been ok with it, especially finding solace in the great outdoors and natural places which are still prevalent here. There are intense pockets of nostalgia, but I see that as a kind of therapy in the memories.
It’s a beautiful reminder of the many ways we find comfort in nature and in the people and places we love. Thank you so much for sharing your story with such clarity and honesty.
Yes, this is true in so many ways. Nature has been my solace. Just this morning I looked at my avian and squirrel friends with such thankfullness for their very presence.
Great song, great sentiment, it seems, especially after your experience in Toronto.
Both songs apply, in my view.
My wife recently fainted in my arms during our morning hug. I drove her to Baptist Memorial Hospital here in Collierville, Tennessee. She was admitted after two hours of ER meetings and exams. Fantastic team at ER. They tested her extensively. She was released the nex tday at noon with a diagnosis of restricted cored artery. They increased her statin from 10 to 40 mg. The total bill was $19K. Our portion was $269.00. Nobody asked to be paid in advance.
I am glad that everything turned out well for your wife. I have had experience with the U.S. healthcare system when we lived in New Hampshire. Once I had to go to the ER at Concord Hospital for a foot sprain. The hill came in the mail; I think it was something like $3000 (not the best insurance). I called up billing and asked if we could have a payment plan. After a few minutes, she came back on the line and said. "Don't worry about it; it's all paid up." Many good people in N.H. I have many such stories. Love America.
Interesting and maddening story, Perry. Sounds like you had a real jerk of a surgeon. They exist everywhere; not just Toronto.
I would still take our "universal" healthcare over the confusing, inefficient, unjust, profit-driven US system (thinking you had a 3K bill only to learn you did not is stressful enough imho).
But I say this with full knowledge of all the flaws, blind spots, vested interests, funding issues and misdirections in our system. In fact, coincidentally, exactly one year ago today, I published this piece about an ongoing personal health issue and my frustration navigating it here in OHIP land:
https://punditman.substack.com/p/navigating-ontarios-underfunded-and
Thank you for your comment; I will read your piece when I am up to it. Take care.
I posted your story on LinkedIn. I have nearly 3k followers there!
Thank you, Rob. I am only on Substack, so I can’t see it.
It may drive some traffic your way.
Wow Perry. Not a great welcome. I am so thankful the surgery went well and that I get to read your writing today. Sounds like an awful ordeal anyway you slice it. Blessing that things are well. 🙏❤️
Thanks; they will be better in two years when I leave. Counting down the days with Arya.🕊🦜